Wednesday, July 28, 2010

The meaning of life

I was born during summer's hottest time when white roses bloomed under the window of my first room. My christening took place at my home but I was to be Christian only in name for several years - almost my entire childhood. But in the priest's blessing there was to be my safe haven... But "when I was a child, I talked like a child, I had child's mind and child's thoughts (1 Cor 13:11)". In my case that meant that I didn't give much thoughts for God - I don't even remember asking my mum where did I came from, why do I live? My parents aren't believers. My dearest passed-away grandparents were though, but I couldn't have any of their ideaology until I turned 15. Nevertheless, I cast my first prayers when I was 12-years-old but I stopped before secondary school (even though I was answered). Maybe I got a tiny spiritual awakening when I was in a deathly dangerous storm by motorboat with my parents and our dog on my 10-years birthday... which was just about to become our dying day. God protected us for some reason that night. Today I believe that He didn't let us die, because He had (and has) a plan for my life. And that and another incident made me ponder meaning of life and write about it today.

To continue telling about my childhood I have to say that my parents pampered me a lot. They still do but by God's will I now enjoy my freedom and independence living together with my darling. My parents gave me nearly everything that I wanted: my room was full of every kind of vain stuff that I had collected through my childhood (you can imagine!). So yes, I was a really selfish child and I hated sharing my toys and videos and anything I had for the other kids. That's why I wonder why I had quite many friends anyway... I was so materialistic you know and I remember myself being jealous to one believer girl from my class. I was jealous because she was beautiful and she had seen more world than I that time, she became girlfriend of my first crush in history and she was sporty and musical and until this day I'm neither of them. But now years and years later I realize that now we could be maybe good friends.

Anyway, secondary school was to be the turning point of my life. That time I got depressed after one troublesome incident and I was in the shadows for 6 months. I even wanted to die, because I didn't know what to believe in anymore. The psychology couldn't help me. But then one day I got so tired, hopeless and miserable that I couldn't help but open the Bible - and when I did I couldn't stop reading it because I found in there a promise of new life. I even started my real prayer life that time: I read the Bible just every day and bowed my head for series of intensive prayers. Little by little God healed me and He gave me a new heart and new personality: I realized that I must give up vain owning and replace it with the gift of giving which is love. So I ended up donating 90% of my collection of vain stuff to charity - stuff that I didn't really need myself but that could cheer day of someone else. My parents couldn't understand it but despite their anger I followed my heart and I found joy and meaning of my life: love. Now I know that even if I lost everything God would take care of me with His eternal love. Now I live for loving others before myself, putting their needs before my own: a selfish girl became a generous woman. And I feel blessed: even if I don't own much of anything I'm still richer than any rich; instead of collecting material stuff I collect treasures for heaven.

What's the meaning of your life? Or what's your right way of life and what makes it good and worthy? In this blog I'll mainly deal with spiritual issues but I guess there will be some talk of wellness and creativity too. You won't find any superficial writings from this blog: even if I'd write about celebrities I'd concentrate on writing about their philosophy and spiritual experience or about their possible charity work. I want to talk about making the world a better place to live. I'd like to offer issues that make you think or that help you to accept and love yourself and people around you. I guess the target group of my issues are more women than men but read or not: the choice is yours :).

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